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The Exits

linkies below!!! *Lizhen*
*Esther*
*Felicia*
*Yan*
*Ainie*
*Priscilla*

January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
May 2006
July 2006
August 2006
November 2006
December 2006
March 2007
April 2007
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June 2007
July 2007
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January 2008
February 2008
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June 2008
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November 2008

picture : x
designer: x
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others : blogger blogskins

indeed this is the phrase i am looking for for the past weeks. once again, siyin is the one who helped me with it. she blogged this very phrase, and bump, i felt enlightened.

Why Am I Fighting So Hard?

i can seriously feel that it's physically and spiritually straining. sometymes it jez come across my mind that i don really love him. and i don really understand him. i dno the reason why i am with him, i don ustd what he does to make me fall in love with him over and over again. each tyme we quarrel, i tried hard to take him back, i tried so hard to make him love me again, i really give out my all to fight it through, expecting a nice rainbow to come out from these storms. i find myself keep fighting and pushing to earn something from him. thats Love. i cant find anymore other betta excuses, i kno very well that each day my heart cries for his touch, his kisses, his love so badly than i yearn for my parents to ged back tog, or i hope to ged better grades for my exams so i can go university. my love for him is so strong that i can jez forsake everythgy, just to meet his concerns. yes, stupid u may say. i jez cant helped it.(:

Maybe because i'm afraid of Loneliness. i fear that no one will love me anymore. alort of my pals say "there're still alort of fishes in the pond, no point crying, weeping ova for a fish that doesn't cherish u". There's a saying too. "Action speaks louder than words". Yes, true enough there's no nidd to cry ova, but in fact how many ppl can do it?? Truthfully, not everyone. I am the one who clings on till the end. I won't allow the relationship to end because of a misunderstanding, unless both of us agree. Yup, so i'm someone who needs a man. i need so, so much Love.

but after this recent row with him, i've think it through. It's no use to keep him so tightly by ure side, why not have a open relationship?? I'll let him do whatever he wants, whatever he likes. And i'll do whatever i deem fits. I don wanna anything to pressurize the both of us. Like jez now, he called to say he will be betting at turf clubs. My heart aches. It pains. But i tell myself, trust is an important substance. Get over it and done with. Sooner or later you'll get used to it. And i did. He's supposed to call me when he reach the turf club. But he hadnt. I don wanna call him or wadsoever too. Maybe i've learnt abit of "washing my hands off him". Hopefully it helps in a way or other. Owells.

Why am i fighting so hard for his attention? I should be hecking abit i guess. To let him miss me and stuffs. Let him fight for my attention. I want him to love me more, not me to love him more. No point keep going on and going on, where i am the one who is sustaining the relationship. It takes two hands to clap. A relationship involves two people.

in one more week, its gonna be my burfday. imma excited laa. Gotta plan my schedule alrdy. Wanna celebrate with my school friends, sec sch friends, lizhen, sylvia, him and his friends, aini, yana n all.

p/s : hey TB05 gerls, rmb i say i will treat u guys one jug? is it still on? celebrate with me k.(:

I pray so hard everything will be so fine between the two of us.

Because i knoe i never wanna lose you.

the blue mess.;
8:18 PM;