Wednesday, August 31, 2005
the one of the worst days i've had.low self esteem. i knoe its jez so not becky to have a low esteem cos if eu knoe me well, i've always been confident with my undertakings. nearly nothing bothers me. But today, my esteem level.. pooff!! It went all the way Down with a capital D!sometimes i wonder why am i born liek that? Short.. Plump.. Log-like legs and thighs.. Whatever i wear jez don't compliment my size/body. Whatever i try jez won't match. Whatever that's nice on other ladies, they don't suit me AT ALL. Whatever kind of tops or skirts jez don't fit. I get fed up at times. But today, i jez cant stand it anymore.I HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THESE SHIT ! ! ! ! ! ! !i envy siyin. i envy jasmine. i am jealous of faezah..shuzhu..felicia..esther all. They seems liek don't need to worry anything. Need money, there's money. Need clothes, there's clothes. Need a haircut, can cut it straight away.But what about me? I have to scrimp and save. I have to work liek a cow. And Even working 100hours per month is still not enough for me. I wonder how long it has been since my last haircut. Seriously everything jest sucks, seems yucky to me now. I've lost interest in all stuffs.Family... Relationship... Friends...I do have my needs and wants. Clothes, shoes.. But i jest can't afford. maybe not now. Next tyme. Its all jest peer pressure.K, lets drop this topic. Gedding irritating. Maybe i should adopt a budget-life strategy. Firstly can lost some pounds, secondly hopefully can save more money.(:went towning with the girls. Sy bought a really nice suit. Rich girl.(: Ha, jasmine can't find anything nicee. Sz and faeza waiting to go Jurong Point and get cheap cheap formal wear. Clever! I'm tagging along too. Hees. yeah. but what about my budget lunch? ?most of the times alot of things doesn't come by the way you want it. i just want to have a relationship build strongly upon trust. But, till now i have yet to achieve. Let's jest pray hard.(:love everyone so much..xoxoxo
the blue mess.;
12:46 AM;