Wednesday, August 31, 2005
the one of the worst days i've had.low self esteem. i knoe its jez so not becky to have a low esteem cos if eu knoe me well, i've always been confident with my undertakings. nearly nothing bothers me. But today, my esteem level.. pooff!! It went all the way Down with a capital D!sometimes i wonder why am i born liek that? Short.. Plump.. Log-like legs and thighs.. Whatever i wear jez don't compliment my size/body. Whatever i try jez won't match. Whatever that's nice on other ladies, they don't suit me AT ALL. Whatever kind of tops or skirts jez don't fit. I get fed up at times. But today, i jez cant stand it anymore.I HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THESE SHIT ! ! ! ! ! ! !i envy siyin. i envy jasmine. i am jealous of faezah..shuzhu..felicia..esther all. They seems liek don't need to worry anything. Need money, there's money. Need clothes, there's clothes. Need a haircut, can cut it straight away.But what about me? I have to scrimp and save. I have to work liek a cow. And Even working 100hours per month is still not enough for me. I wonder how long it has been since my last haircut. Seriously everything jest sucks, seems yucky to me now. I've lost interest in all stuffs.Family... Relationship... Friends...I do have my needs and wants. Clothes, shoes.. But i jest can't afford. maybe not now. Next tyme. Its all jest peer pressure.K, lets drop this topic. Gedding irritating. Maybe i should adopt a budget-life strategy. Firstly can lost some pounds, secondly hopefully can save more money.(:went towning with the girls. Sy bought a really nice suit. Rich girl.(: Ha, jasmine can't find anything nicee. Sz and faeza waiting to go Jurong Point and get cheap cheap formal wear. Clever! I'm tagging along too. Hees. yeah. but what about my budget lunch? ?most of the times alot of things doesn't come by the way you want it. i just want to have a relationship build strongly upon trust. But, till now i have yet to achieve. Let's jest pray hard.(:love everyone so much..xoxoxo
the blue mess.;
12:46 AM;
Monday, August 29, 2005
Starhub smsed me. They threaten me."Kindly make immediate payment. Otherwise, outgoing calls will be barred."Blardy Hell. i didnt pay for 2 months only.. then Starhub so ya-ya alrdy. Damn pissed laa. Its not that i don have the moneyy. jest that i choose nort to pay cans. Humphf. Owells. that's reality.imma so so broke nowadays. i jest wish i don't need to wear formal for work. please..i've so much to buy. but so little moneyy. lets see what i need to get this month...1) Pay bills.2) Cut and dye hair(must!!priority!!)3) Contact lenses.4) a skirt or tops.but i wanna save upp too. Fcukshit.nidda meet upp soon with mua girlies.lizhen, syl.of cos my lil lydia too.(:aini.. yana. missing all eu gerlos lotsa.coffee someday?ciao.
the blue mess.;
11:56 PM;
had light dinner with babyy jez now at harbourfront centre. hee, we were quite bo liao laa. cos felt quite boredd staying around his house area so he suggested taking a straight bus 188 to world trade here to walk around and eat something. it was fun knoe, listening to our ipod mini while on our way there. talked, joked on our way back home. it was a total fun day. had mac ere. so nicee. he suggested going for a cruise before he enter NS. but moneyy!! bleahs. my pay is apparently late again this month laa. fcuk. so angryy. everyone's now in bistro is talking about how eu shld be careful with ya belongings cos apparently, bistro have been losing their stuffs lately. they jez went missing. 15 packs of cigarettes in the drawer are gone, i lost 10bucks and jiayin lost 40bucks. liek can eu imagine how risky it is to work there and feeling liek one of our people is actually the culprit of all these acts? sounds liek fear factor to me.. hrmm, does it even link? oh, whatever.k, so my day all started with nasi lemak in the morning. Tuition next. afternoon nap. met up with babyy. den ended in harbourfront. im so so bad at describing cans. but today, every single moment, im enjoying it. it jez so feel that our relationship has gone to another level. i felt so mission accomplished. (: thanks babyy.ystd was out chilling with ma girlies once again. AhhhHH!! so fun. had so much to do, so little time. taking all those funny, cute peektures.. i'll sure upload. went chomp chomp's cafe cartel watch the soccer match between Totterham and Chelsea. obviously, Chelsea won.(: imma glad cos i lurve Chelsea compared to Totter. Man U is still ma ultimate fav laa. Had cheesecake and ma oreo frappe. somehow the frappe..hrmm..taste weird. But still, i love it cans.Olayy Olayy Olayy Olayy... Olayy.. Olayy..the above phrase shldnt be a weirdo thingy to euu. stop being a froggy.weekends over. another week of mental fatigue and physical lethargicness. owells. lets fight it thru. last week and imma gg to stop work awhile. nidda catch upp with sch werk.ciao. love my girlies.oh ya, forgot. i will upload my goddaughter's pics soon k. She's so adorable. outta.
the blue mess.;
12:57 AM;
Friday, August 26, 2005
work was an utter disaster today. its so obvious that he's out to bully me and sze, cos apparently, both of us keep going against him. yea, and true enough, he's the winner, cos at any point of our conversation, or rather our "hidden-sword arguement", me and sze are considered at the losing end. he can jez sack us at any point. sze will be happy, but i won't. i still nidd da job, liek what sze had said. i nidd da credit. so.. endure!!he's jez getting fatter each day, i dno why. i really disliek him. now i feel liek gg back ritz. but how? i wanna dye my hair. God, tell me how.had my last Jap lesson this afternoon. totally disappointing. we had this speaking test. and i jez go dumb before my teacher. liek.. " how am i supposed to translate this?" that kind of eye contact. i don wanna flunk it la. please. after that went lib to watch The Best Bet. damn funny ones.wanna swim. but bleahs.. no friend.kno wad, my bro's gf is a malay. so shi- bai la.(:im tired of working. maybe i shldnt work that much.
the blue mess.;
12:55 AM;
Monday, August 22, 2005
the blue mess.;
6:50 PM;
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Cant you believe it? im actually really fix my mindset into dieting. What a great feeling to feel empty inside my stomach. Means im losing pounds. wooHoo.ya ryte, im so tiredd without food. im so lazy now laa. but i wanna lose that extra fats there, popping at places where it shouldnt be. Fcuk laa. it sucks being a fat ger. low self-esteem and all. blah, jez hope i can endure. Yes, i can!feel so outta place in ief tutorial today. I jez cant seems to keep in pace with my classmates and miss wong. They discuss questions liek rockets can. i jez don seems to ustd any thing on exchange rate market, foreign investments blah blah shit. Really, got this damn bad feeling about my this year's results. Guess i've overworked and neglected my studies laa. But what to do, i nidd money to eat.work is fine. everything is great there. lucky yan wasnt angree or whatsoever. Sze is going there fer interview tmr. So happy.Back with my life filled with my darling baby. Yeah, nice thang we talked things out, and we both doesnt wanna leave each other. *phew So ya, we had patched things up. (: i knoe few of my close friends will be disappointed. they tout that by doing this im jez torturing myself. but owells. there's no reason for love ya? k. fine. eu ustd those phrases. Good. If nort, nvm.i bought this flesh imp tee for only 16bucks. its too damn cheap alrdy. so its liek a You-Have-To-Buy-It-Cos-Its-Fcuking-Cheap kinda mentality that leads me on to ged it. its nicee laa. green color onee. yeah. happy.i was on this bus home from work. tell eu that damn bus is full of cockroaches and maggots. damn scary cans. imagine ure sitting and a xiaoqiang jez crawl pass ure feets? i will scream and immediately change place. it liek whole bus is filled with them laa. eeks!! im feeling itchy all over now. (pass to eu!!) K, the dirtiest buses are the TransIsland buses. tdy is my 1st tym saw maggots in SBS. quite disappointing.ciao.
the blue mess.;
1:30 AM;
Friday, August 19, 2005
I swear im nort being overly- paranoid. Whatever i say is da truth. Please believe me. I've gained 3 fcuking kilograms. Damn it.I knoe i should have watch my appetite closely. i knoe i should have resist that chicken wing that cost 3 bucks! i knoe i shouldnt have that medium rare steak at the cartel the other day. Erm.. correction.! nort only steak, but chix wings and crabby claws meat as a SmaLl appetitzer. Shiat, boy oh boy i really do have the cheek to say that! Owells, now i see the result. A big big mistake. Can someone jez fcuk me?i knoe i should have gone fer a jog or sth instead of scaring myself with myths liek "ure breasts will sag if eu run too much", or "ure legs will become liek tree trunks".. Yes, jez admit that i'm lazy cans? fine. whatever. im jez a fat bimbo. Why cant i convince myself with stories liek "I must jog. So i can reach my organsm faster!", or what about "I can perform much more better at sex when i exercise. Got more stamina fer more vigorous stunts ma" .. What the fcuk you may scream at ure screen now. But, back to square one, they're still all excuses la. What's the most important is what is exactly in ure heart.Today i saw quite a few couples together, but the ladies are all on a more round-er side. Means abit more fleshy compared to the guys(their boyfriends). After analysis, those guys actually look nort that bad. Some quite macho kno. So i jez too bored, came up with this conclusion that no matter how eu look, somehow someday someone will pick u up and treat u liek a gem. Trust the star of Taurus.Never despise urself. B'cos eu nvr kno.. someone may jez somehow spot eu and discover ure inner beauty.So don go fer diet laa!K, watch The Maid. Nice, nort very scary, jez abit freaky. Go catch it! WEnt with papa and meimei. So cute ryte. (: i knoe, i spend alort on them cans. the tix, the food. k, didnt i say i wanna lose weight?bahhs.
the blue mess.;
12:51 AM;
Thursday, August 18, 2005
imma so tired. i nidda long long break from all work and school. everything jez don appeal to me, especially when im having this bad flu and cough. so stucked up in my nostrils. Damn!was actually supposed to go Home tonight. Esther din wanna go in the end. So we cancelled. I overslept too. In da end she called me saying she's going Zouk. I'm liek.... what? owells, boyfriend is the most impt laa. So as long as she's happy, her bf's happy.. thats very good. but im nort happy. cos my friend Yan, he tout im still going. so he waited fer me. and in the end he has to take cab home. Seriously imma so paiseh now. dno how to face him in future. nobody's at fault. fine. whatever.missed azhar liek crazy. are guys all liek that? easy to give up, easy to take up. liek seriously what's wrong with their brains and hearts laa. are girls really jez whores in their eyes? whereby they can jez pick up one with their filthy money, then ditched us with their fcuking senseless reasons after taking advantage of us. i find it so damn lame laa. K, at least aza isnt this kinda guy. Apparently, according to him he still wanna da relationship, jez that he nidd a break. another lame excuse. but owells. i jez obliged.sometimes gerls can be so so foolish and stupid kno. don mind gedding cheated and dumped by the same guy over and over again. Yet can still patch things up and continue the relationship as per normal. sometymes really i jez cant understand why we gerls can be jez so tolerating and have this thing in us that allow us to ged bullied by guys that seriously sucks. we knoe that being with them gives us no future, but we are willing to walk this sickening journey with them. i guess that is call Love. something only couples in love understand.had prata with alort of my frens jez now. so lazy to list down all. nice get-together laa.so proud of myself and felicia. we finally completed Ec. so now is to trying to decorate our webby into a nicer one.. yeah. everything is falling into places.(:nidda haircut soon. bill jez came. it sucks can. din pay my last mth bill. hahhaha. i hate accumulated bill. it jez scares u.oryteee. nidda slp. wanna ged everything outta my brain.
the blue mess.;
1:30 AM;
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
been missing eu alorts huns.. when are you coming back??
right now updating my blog using syl's laptop. sleeping over at her place togedar with lizhen. ohh laa laaa.. had bailey's jez now laa. joke, laugh liek shiat. syl even vomit her bailey's out la! so funny cans. we talking about how people dance in clubs and stuffs. we're so bored till we danced to the black eyed peas's songs on the tv la. haha. damn shity. but its fine. missing all our KL days.had steak again for dinner jez now with em. had appetitzer somemore. haha. now im so so full. but yet now im still craving for maggi with egg. sheeshhss. jesus christ. i feel so fat.the whole room is fcuking hot now. and da host is refusing to on the fan. for us kno!!! wad a gud host... *don't beat me for that!! *they even started a blog without me. jealous cans.missing babyy. serious. when is he coming back?i miss him so much.(:
the blue mess.;
11:46 PM;
Friday, August 12, 2005
3rd day has passed. i've endured it. i really did.in a nicer way to say, i've got back my freedom. i can go clubbing as and when i liek. in a nort so nice way to say, joji and i have jez stepped into a world of coldness, and we've nort been communicating fer 3 days, more to come. ever since National Day. yeah, National Day wasn't a day fer me to go ga-ga about. everything jez simply sucks. we quarrelled on that day, the next day we exchange back all our stuffs. it simply means liek i don owe him anything, he don owe me anything that kinda of situation. its quite sad laa. but i guess this is best option fer us. maybe we're nort ready fer the relationship yet. i jez msged him something rather sad, that when i look at that msg again, tears will naturally flood my eyes.i kno given our situation liek that, you may jez disappear from my life anytime. i may nort be able to receive ure msges again. we may nort be able to go on together. But whatever ure decision is, i hope u let me knoe. Pls don silently walk away. I don wan to hate you. i may cry the whole night but i don wish to hate the one i love so much.thats my heartcry. i don ask fer much. i jez wanna him to tell me his decision. i'll respect his decision.went phuture with siyin, jasmine, darius, luji and chin tiong. so nice laa. k, shall keep the details.(:nightlife is back to becky now!enjoy!!
the blue mess.;
2:26 AM;
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
i cant believe my last posting was one month ago. Damn that was damn long laa. hmmm wad else..k, had work with Passion at ritz carlton over the weekend, on sat. so nicee la.NICHOLAS!!!!!!he looks so so much liek chin tiong. i can jez fall in love with chin tiong too. bleahs.(:i swear nic is so so pretty.he's my sweet-eyed candy.for those who dno, he's the guy modeled fer Loreal Men's Hair Product, which appears in Juice magazine.OMFG.i met him real life at da David Gan's event. i knoe he's nort looking at me. i knoe i ain't attractive to him. But he looks so god-damn gorgeous to me la, that i cant take my eyes off him. i was liek thinking.. Can he jez gimme a kiss?haha, wishful thinking you bet. so here i am, thick-skinned, and asked to take a pic with him.(: i swear that's the most happiest day of the week. as in a really admired him so so much. finally i get a chance to stand so so close to him laa. tell me, is that cool or just cool?fcuk, that night jez seems cant leave my head. it keeps flashing back laa. on how we talked, how he smiled, how he talked to his fren. Jesus Christ.-Please marry me. i also don mind being ure maid,nic. wash ure underwear or wadsoever.
the blue mess.;
3:18 AM;
on the right hand corner of the screen
