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The Exits

linkies below!!! *Lizhen*
*Esther*
*Felicia*
*Yan*
*Ainie*
*Priscilla*

January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
May 2006
July 2006
August 2006
November 2006
December 2006
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
June 2008
August 2008
September 2008
November 2008

picture : x
designer: x
base codes : x
others : blogger blogskins

its our first year anniversary today. Isn't that wonderful? i jez lurve him to bits.(: he's my ultra-ultimate sweetheart.

ohh ya, anw i went to my new class today. Damn cannort make it laa. TB03. thought its some class that will be fun and cool? yet turns out to be a disaster. you kno wad, there's this ger who jez stuff a tissue into her nostril..! liek whadda hell?! so childish laa. so disgusting. i took a pic of her without her acknowledgement. and i planned to post it into sggirls.com Cool isnt it?

Fcuk laa. Why am i in this kinda class? i rather take up FIT and ged into tb10. at least its more fun ryte? being in b03 rly put pressure on eu. first thing, they're super duper noisy. you cant miss em'. so noisy, so talkative. their mouth jez cant stop kno. its liek IRRitAtinG!!!!!! and it causes headache! i dno whie i jez hate em' to the max. Hmm, hate prolly is a too powerful word laa. maybe, detest is a nicer word.

i still prefer b05. the usual old b05. tho we don do tutorials, we don voice out during tutorials, but in our heart we kno the answer and we truely can study in that kinda envt.

i suppose wryting a comment email to the HOD is the only way out from Hell. i cant imagine how i can stay with that class fer almost 1 yr? thats too cruel. damn damn fcuking cruel. please anyone, let b05 stay as b05. we promise we'll voice out. rly.. promise!

work is fine fer me today. everything is cool except fer school. i miss est, siyin, shuzhu, kent, jingwen, jueying, janice, darius, sherman, chi chao and jeff.... i miss my old class): i want them back.

the blue mess.;
11:32 PM;

Thursday, May 26, 2005

school had alrdy started for me. initially, quite anticipating, but now two words to describe me Lethargic and Boring. seriously, finding no more interest in studies. and imma feeling more tired than ever. Wake up early, go school, after school work till late, then only i can rest on the bed and sleep. this wk luckily is still the 'lecture week'. so there's no tutorials, not that physically straining yet. i can still endure it. but only God knoes wad may happen the following week, where i need to wake up as early as 7am to go for tutorials or lectures. what's worse, after that i need to go work. imma tired, seriously, both spiritually and physically.

i didnt ged rly sufficient rest during the hols, except for that 3 days in KL, where i enjoyed myself and rly let my hair down, nort worrying about money or relationship problems. that 3 days were the most happy and memorable moments of my lyfe. at that point of tyme, imma single and stress-less. no problems no nothing. everything that lines in front of me is jez plain fun and painless entertainment. but good moments never last longg. we came back to singapore and soon go returned to the usual hectic programme. now even to find tyme to go banks, library and slimming centres i have to sit down and do some serious planning liek few wks beforehand. i jez feel liek an grown-up woman who requires to handle financial cases, work and prolly lil relationship hiccups. i believe this is jez the beginning. maybe i may grow up to be the most successful woman in the business arena? who knoes?

last wed i was at chinablack with siyin, lizhen and sylvia. we certainly have loads of fun. went upp da podium and dance liek nobody's business. had our tequila pop which its kick comes only after liek 1 hour. play our 5,10,15,20 the way we always have it.. and of cos nort forgetting the 'tar-ring' session that got us all feeling wee-sy and have to rush to release our bladder.. all these hours had made us so happy. lets keep on having that k. but nort so often laa. school is always first ya? but my poor sy lost her hp. i curse the person whoever found the phone!

thanks zhen and sylvia fer that wonderful earrings. i lurve it. and that tube top. i liek it. really. but i wonder whether i'll look fat in it. nvm, i'll go fer my slimming programmes first k. (:

thanks prissy for that nice nice bracelet. so sweet of eu. and i've been wearing since that day. wear it to sch, to werk, to bathe. so imma gg to ged married with it too! cos it has seen my naked body.! lurve u loads darlz.

i still have alort of presents i've yet received from.. liek my classmates??? *hint hint*

gotta slp. damn tireddd. tmr gotta my IS. lucky me imma having it with siyin my dearest ger. will be back with more yaaa. and pssshhhh, Shopaholic series storybooks are damn addictive. they're liek so nice laaaa. (: so ged me more kk sweets?

the blue mess.;
1:12 AM;

Monday, May 16, 2005

yesterday was my 18th burfday. celebrated with babyy. sucha sweetheart. bought a cake for me ystd. (i thought i won be having any cakes this yr). its so sweet of him laaa. cut my cake with his fellow friends, quite nice isn't it? yaa, i haven touch on present have i? yaa, he gotten me a necklace from Taka Jewellery. so sweet, and the necklace is nice. gr8 taste dude.

wonderful wonderful friends i've got. Some msged me liek 12 on the dot, some ltr in the afternoon, some didnt even msged me anything. but its oryte. at least my dearest ones msged me, ppl liek Lizhen, Aini, Yana, Jamie, Mewe, Kerlyn, Sze sze, Pris, Est, Sy, fel.... A big Thank You. You guys make me feel loved again.

Spend the morning of my burfday in Chinablack. i seriously queue for damn 1.5hrs bef i can ged into black laa. and the damn motherfucker door bitch is so damn the bitchy?! Its alrdy 148am. and she check my ic, and said "Sry, its nort ure burfday yet." i was liek burning with fire alrdy kno. den i replied "Hey, its aft 12, 15th may alrdy." actually in my heart im like "Bitch, ure eyes cocked issit? or u din pass ure nursery, cant read the tyme ryte?" So, she damn confused, she looked at the bouncer, the bouncer nod his head, she got no choice but lemme in. Can see her face is full of shame.(: i culdnt be more than happy!

So i went in,proudly into Black. So nice i tell u. their Trance music is quite nice laa. the RnB abit nort so up to standard. imma beginning to love Trance music. haha. and Black guys are liek lechers. they can jez surround eu liek dno waddd laa. me and liyan went dwn to the dance flr, we were shocked to the max cans!! yaaa. i'll nvr ever go to the dance floor again. jez stick at the side cans alrdy. ChinaBlack is big. and imma going back on this wed for its ladies night with zhen and syl i guess. Cant wait:]

i love my babyy. i love being 18. i love having so many friends around me. i love everything about myself. Thanks for whoever have been enduring with my ese years as my friend. i appreciate eu.

the blue mess.;
1:45 PM;

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

i woke upp having muscles pain all over my body. my legs even give way while walking down to take train jez now in the afternoon. thats all the after effects of nort-gyming-out-for-so-long. who to blame? me, myself and becky.

all the awkwardness is gone by now i guess. Bistro is a nice place to work in afterall. smiles are everywhere now. people talk gently, and the fun is back. laughs, joke and sing liek nobody's business laa. Music/radio once again is on loudly. and there's this funny customer, she asked "Is there any other nicer music other than radio?" Liek bloody hell, what else she wants man?! sher cutlets to come with alio olio instead of mashed potato laa, wad campari with soda laa... act classy only.(: my willingness to werk there again resurrected. but immediately it died off when i saw joseph's face jez now. and guess wad, we gna werk the same tyme slot on fri. i gna die. Kill me pls.

Ritz or Bistro?
i have no idea.

New Resolutions for Year 2 1st Semester
1) I must do my tutorials for every single modules!
this one is hard, but i'll try. i kno i will be tired, studying and werking at the same tyme. but.. this is the route to a success woman life k.

2) No last minute projeks.
yes, i shall nort be a burden to my future project members. Lets each do our parts.

3) I shall not be late for my lectures or tutorials.
Being late is a very bad habit. I shall kick that away in this new year.

4) Attend all lectures.
so i can have all the precious notes at the end of the semester. so i don nidd to be a sucker and keep begging ppl fer notes to photocopy.

tb03, here i come!!

the blue mess.;
1:27 AM;

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
Chorus:
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go
Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus
Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have

Chorus

We both know
It's better if we just let it go

One Last-
Taufik Batisah

the blue mess.;
8:53 PM;

the blue mess.;
3:34 PM;

Monday, May 09, 2005

was outta with yana babyy the whole afternoon. went to Puncak with her to have my hor fun, and her kway tiao without tao gei. haha(: what a joke. we shared so many stuffs tog. at least now i ustd her difficulties, kno her plight.. and she promised me she won do that again. eu kno i kno ryte?? after that we went Flesh Imp to ged a cap fer her darling yan. and i bought nth. cos babyy now is so flirthy rich laa.

He bought himself Vans shoes, a blazer, tops.. haha. he wanna look liek Usher laa. wth ryte? but who cares? he's my handsome one.

feel liek gg back ot KL again. i missed the Zouk ere. *shaking with sadness*

i wanna jian fei. bleahs. but still so fat.):

skwel gna start in 2wk's tyme. so fast isnt it? and my tyme table is liek so sucky laa. lecture,break, tutorials, home. Tuesday is the worst day of the week mans. lecture, tutorials, break..lecture again... Isnt my life terrible? i hope i still have tyme to werk laa.

nth else to blogg ler.
5 more days...

the blue mess.;
11:03 PM;

the blue mess.;
1:35 PM;

Friday, May 06, 2005

indeed this is the phrase i am looking for for the past weeks. once again, siyin is the one who helped me with it. she blogged this very phrase, and bump, i felt enlightened.

Why Am I Fighting So Hard?

i can seriously feel that it's physically and spiritually straining. sometymes it jez come across my mind that i don really love him. and i don really understand him. i dno the reason why i am with him, i don ustd what he does to make me fall in love with him over and over again. each tyme we quarrel, i tried hard to take him back, i tried so hard to make him love me again, i really give out my all to fight it through, expecting a nice rainbow to come out from these storms. i find myself keep fighting and pushing to earn something from him. thats Love. i cant find anymore other betta excuses, i kno very well that each day my heart cries for his touch, his kisses, his love so badly than i yearn for my parents to ged back tog, or i hope to ged better grades for my exams so i can go university. my love for him is so strong that i can jez forsake everythgy, just to meet his concerns. yes, stupid u may say. i jez cant helped it.(:

Maybe because i'm afraid of Loneliness. i fear that no one will love me anymore. alort of my pals say "there're still alort of fishes in the pond, no point crying, weeping ova for a fish that doesn't cherish u". There's a saying too. "Action speaks louder than words". Yes, true enough there's no nidd to cry ova, but in fact how many ppl can do it?? Truthfully, not everyone. I am the one who clings on till the end. I won't allow the relationship to end because of a misunderstanding, unless both of us agree. Yup, so i'm someone who needs a man. i need so, so much Love.

but after this recent row with him, i've think it through. It's no use to keep him so tightly by ure side, why not have a open relationship?? I'll let him do whatever he wants, whatever he likes. And i'll do whatever i deem fits. I don wanna anything to pressurize the both of us. Like jez now, he called to say he will be betting at turf clubs. My heart aches. It pains. But i tell myself, trust is an important substance. Get over it and done with. Sooner or later you'll get used to it. And i did. He's supposed to call me when he reach the turf club. But he hadnt. I don wanna call him or wadsoever too. Maybe i've learnt abit of "washing my hands off him". Hopefully it helps in a way or other. Owells.

Why am i fighting so hard for his attention? I should be hecking abit i guess. To let him miss me and stuffs. Let him fight for my attention. I want him to love me more, not me to love him more. No point keep going on and going on, where i am the one who is sustaining the relationship. It takes two hands to clap. A relationship involves two people.

in one more week, its gonna be my burfday. imma excited laa. Gotta plan my schedule alrdy. Wanna celebrate with my school friends, sec sch friends, lizhen, sylvia, him and his friends, aini, yana n all.

p/s : hey TB05 gerls, rmb i say i will treat u guys one jug? is it still on? celebrate with me k.(:

I pray so hard everything will be so fine between the two of us.

Because i knoe i never wanna lose you.

the blue mess.;
8:18 PM;

the blue mess.;
10:50 AM;

Thursday, May 05, 2005

there have been alort of problems cropping up and hurting my inner soul for the past week. i really actually wanted to put a full stop to it, but my heart keeps on crying and crying. i knoe living without you is jez liek i've actually stepped beyond Hell Gates, i tried to ged out of ure sight. i seriously tried. however most of the tymes, memories be it bad or good jez keep rushing and flashing over and over again in my mind, and i kno very well that i don wanna leave u out of my life. i feel a surge of chest pain whenever u appear in my mind, i may endure, in the end i'll still be looking out of the window, sobbing away.

obviously i quarrelled with him again. and yes, he choose to break things up. and his timing is excellent too. jez the day before i leave for KL, making me stranded, heartbroken, emotionless on my trip to KL. i will say he's cruel. he believes he's always standing at the Right side, and imma always the Wrong. whatever he is, he must be, but whatever i am, he doesn't bother, he expects me to adapt to him. how can this ever possible? a relationship should be build on trust and equality. apparently, he isn't practising Equality here. owells, my luck i guess. i chose him. so ya, i left for KL str after he suggested a break-up. i did nort even feel liek going laa. but after Ben talked to me, his words make big sense and i trusted him that everything will be fine after i come back.

so the most difficult part here is, how to forget everything and enjoy myself. difficult, very difficult. but thanks to lizhen and sylvia. they helped me all along. altho tymes to tymes i may jez weep for no reason.

KL is a place where there's the least amount of government. their cars and bikes don even need to on their signal lights, liek wth laa, so damn dangerous laa. things are cheap ere.

one thing is that i went Zouk ere. cover charge is only RM30. they don check fer ure age man. so lucky me. oh ya, and we were so lucky, the Acting Director of Zouk invited us to drink with them tgt, they gave us name cards and stuffs.. liek nice laa. cos if nxt tyme we were to come Zouk KL again, they will help us with everything such as hotels and stuffs. and we ged to go in free. i don singapore Zouk we can ged this privileges nort.. but.. owells.

the blue mess.;
11:55 PM;