BLUEmess!!!

Monday, February 28, 2005

projects projects and more projects
imma gedding crazyy soon
ive so many things up on hand and i hardly have the tyme to finish em
cats due this wk
luckily the spies r us thingy is due only nxt wk
macro presentation is this wed
ive nort done any shiat
imma gedding lazier and lazier each dayy
im so whinyy as whinny as felicia
hahahahaha
was really wanting to go acid bar tonight
everything was called off at the last minute
anyway it wasnt confirm from the start
so yeahh owells
nvmm there'll always be next tyme laa
macro test 2 is ova liek finally
wasnt studying liek madness tho
but at least another 20% is gone
now towards the end of year's examm
year1's exam is coming real soon
8march wrytten comm exam
22march bca exam
28march macro exam
29march bmgmt exam
everything is so packed
study, study, study......
skwel sucks fer now.
O's results are outt..
most of my fwends didnt do well
dont be disappointed k
if there's a will there's a way-
beck's out

the blue mess.;
10:44 PM;

Saturday, February 26, 2005

ohh yeahh, gotta myself a new skinn. how abt this? was immediately attracted to this skinn when i first view it. baby.. i lurvee you.. hmm, isn't that nicee? wanted to meet up sze and gang fer prata ystd. but too baddd.. aza called. ya, ever since he werk we hardly talk long on the phone. so pretty hard decision to make. in d end, i stayed at home talking to him. yea babes, imma sry k.

kinda feeling low now. dad quarrelled with mama ystd. i seriously have no idea should i hate my mom. she caused this family to break up, made sucha gr8 impact on me and my slibings' life.. i rly have no clues what to do next. imma so scared daddy cant take the turmoil evil mom is creating in him.. if ever he decides to give up and leave my sis,bro and me alone on this earth, what should i do? yes, i kno i nidd God now. Almighty God. but what can He do now? my heart is broken, everything's shattered. i used to have sucha nicee family. why is God creating sucha mess in my family now? i kno i shouldn't hate anyone. but i do blame God. jez alittle. why He made sucha plan? that my family, by no means, shall all leave. i werry so much fer my daddy. yet i cant help anythingg. imma so useless, i kno. what should i do next?

how i wish i had a nicee family. where their parents will bring their children overseas fer a holiday.. where during Sundays we would have a family dinner.. where every morning i woke up, i knew breakfast is on the way. but this tyme round, each day as i woke up, the whole house is empty. no breakfast. sometymes imma so jealous. i may appeared to be so nort affected, thats jez my mask. how i wish i can take off that mask sometymes and broke into tears. the pain is empowering me. everything is a tragedy. i prefer nort to have any parents to seeing my parents gedding seperated, quarrels.. everything is a big tragedy.

if ever there's a need, yes, i will quit school to help my family. this thought has always been floating in my mind. of cos i still have my ambition and stuffs, but my sliblings' ambition is even greater than mine, i won mind sacrificing.

ive a sudden urge to ged real drunk. probably soon.

the blue mess.;
11:50 AM;

Thursday, February 24, 2005

imma starting to hate everyone. dey jez geds on my nerves dno wadds wrong with me these days but people seems to be provoking me in one way or another. or probably imma too stressed with the school werk. and well, the only tyme i feel happy, relieved, relaxed is when imma with my friends, baby or my family.

apparently i haven had a great week. with most of my blood vessels popping out sooner or later. but seriously cant think of a gudd way to release my anger. tell my fwends?? no. no one can be trusted rmb? scold other ppl?? no. its so stupid. ruin all ure reputations. shout and cry liek nobody's business?? of cos nort. ppl will soon run away from me. and i'll be a lonely soul ever after again.

no one is perfect by nature. Jesus died fer us so that we can survive and stay on Earth to finish the werk Jesus planned fer us. i tried to accept ppl. but my own philosopy kept me away. i dno wad imma trying to bring forth but recently its jez nort me. i have an inner urge to beat someone up, to yell at someone, to scold someone, to splurge monee on somethings..... im becoming inhumane. )):

i have been eating my ice cream daily, ever since that feeling empowered me. i dunch kno how to escape from it. i can only lost myself in the numbness of my gums, slowly my limbs will too become numb... and start to feel that everything has change. imma nort sadist afterall. however, when the ice cream melts, i'm back to the same me. the one full of anger, bitterness and the urge to retaliate.

skwel sucks fer me still. everyday is the same. babyy started werking. exams coming. projects' deadlines are approaching.

the truth now is, i hate school. i wish i donch nidd to study anymore. yet i can still find a gudd paying job. i hate studyingg. i need a gud facial, a gud spa.. and of cos a gud massage.

the blue mess.;
6:28 PM;

Sunday, February 20, 2005

am waiting fer babyy darlink t call now. so thinking of blogging awhile since i've been off fer so longg.
anws was disappointed that today's ultimate plan was called off due to some unforseen circumstances, i didnt make it to sentosa to ged a real tan afterall. was actually quite anticipating fer that, but hrmmm alrytes.. itz okies. met up with babyy instead. went to magic wok agn to have a quickie bite after that we went opposite to watch Hide and Seek. a gudd show i wud say. lotsa twist and turns. worth the monee.i gib 4 popcorns??
babyy gonna werk soon. hopefully its real this tyme round. cant wait fer the both of us to ged rich ooh lala, it'll be so damn nice larhs. so tired nowadays.. gotta damn lotsa projeks and i'm broke. deeply broke. somehow i jez remembered i've my phone bill to settle nxt wk. imma so desperate now. wanna werk but skwel doesnt allow me to. seriously im outta idea how to ged rich now. deeply deprived.
anyhows results aren't as gr8 as what i've thought i wud gedd. poa was the worst of all. i expected myself to ged liek AD or sth, turn out to be only an A. seriously imma damn disappointed, seeing ma fwends all got AD, i cant help to feel a surge of jealousy. its nort that im born to love winning, jez that i expect myself to do betta, andose careless mistake pulled up my marks. probably that include few drops of my "too self-confidence" maybe??
owells donwanna talk abt results anymore, i can ged damn fed up. projeks are up-next. i dno how slack i can ged this tyme round. hopefully not. i donwanna be the free-loader around. anw who lieks to be one?
after movie babyy and i went to the usual bus stop to wait fer my bus home. we shared same jokes, had our laughs, indeed was a wonderful date today. share my life, he shared his. on the bus had this hrmm, wild incident. this group of malays were apparently making alot of noise on the bus. they were seated on the last row. baby and i went somewhere in the middle. and so there's this stupid guy was so pissed with the malays and started off the heated spark by scolding the malay gerl "bitch". malays are so self-obsessed, cant be scolded by ppl, so apparently they were so angree with each other. started cursing and swearing each other. k,so this ger say " aa, u this chao chee bye, come down settle la - one to one" so damn childish ryte? so low-class la. throw my face. (: the worst thing is, babyy is so kpo la. go tell em "donch scold scold here. ged down then talk" so kpo-ish of him ryte? i jez sit down there. look outsyd the window. i scare arhs.. cos imma a chinese. i scare they beat me upp. boo hoo. ):
no la, siaox. imma jez trying to act cute only. anww congrats zhen u got ur whole business suit at only 68bucks la. tht's fcuking cheap cheap cheap. too bad i dunch nidd em. if not i wud gedd too. nvmm, i can borrow from u if i nidd ryte? tht's wad best fwends are for. anw thanks so much fer accompanying us to noodle bar tht sat. so much fun-er with u ard. liek wad azhar say, u liek abit siao siao (: no la, ure always my siao siao fwend.. -smooches thanks fer tht BIG thong k. size 12. where on earth i go find a butt so bigg?
cant wait to finish year one cos it simply scuk. tht it for the day. babyy's home. chatting with him fer awhile then i gonna sleep. tmr having wrytten com lecture and bca make-up tutorial. damn ass-sey la. wanna eat my yong tou fu so much cans. shall stop here.

the blue mess.;
7:35 PM;

Thursday, February 10, 2005

first two days of chinese new year finally came to an end
as expected i didnt really get alort of angbaos
cuz i nvr went ard visiting alort of my relatives' place
jez went ova to my some of my much closer relative's place
manage to scrape thru a certain amt
luckilyyy

so borringg
skwel starts tmr
having iac and cats
valentine's on the monday
had a biggy plan with dearie baby for the wkend
pray hard that it turns out very well
imma preparing for a gr8 tan ova the wkend
so mr sun pleasee grant my this desireee

i haven gotten my valentine's day pressies for my lovely darlinggs
my secondary skwel fwends
my prettiest polymates who owaes skipped lectures with
of course nort forgetting my darlink zhenniee
they're all my dearies
imma nort gg to ged anything fer aza
cos ive almost spend my all my coffin funds for this wkend
so dunch he dare ask fer moree(:
oh ya i rmbed somethingg
siyin's burfday presents!
hey TB05 we've forgotten her pressie
-bleahs-

imma waiting for my 100bucks that ive earned
from Hugo Boss
imma broke so broke cans
and i still wanna ged so many stuffs
of course my bag is includedd
hopefully my fwend weiling still keeping it fer meee
haaaahhhh
i will surely ged it asap kiesss

i wanna club soon gerloss
my neck my back
lick my pussy and my crack
yoo hoooo
imma so itchy all over larhss
cant wait to ged my arse onto that dance floor
in short i cant wait to be 18
where i can proudly show my ic to those stupid bossy bouncers
especially those who liek to catch me drinking
or disallow me to go into clubs cos i look super underaged
oso where i can publicly smokes and no police will come
arrest me with their weapon so-called the handcuffs
owells ere's so many things i can do when imma 18
oh plsss
15may pls come asap
oryte?

gotta go search fer my IAC worksheets for tmr's class
damn boring
dunch even have the heart to go for lesson larhs
but anyway meeting babyy after that wadd
that's the only thing imma looking for
its a friday tmr
so let ya hair down
enjoy my fwends

i miss you darn much-*
to: XXX

the blue mess.;
11:50 PM;

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

my heart fluttered when i see you online
my heart sad-ens when i dunch see you there
- especially when i had expected you to
my mind is all about you
i knoe its rather useless to have you always on my mind b
b'cos in d end you may not be mine
but i really thank God you and my paths once crossed
and i ged to see you everyday

today is chinese new year's eve
8 february'05

happy Chinese new Year !!!!!!!

this year's new year rather alryte

cos i am werking and i can ged any barang-barang as i liek

had reunion dinner with my darlingg lizhen last sun at magic wok(far east)

yummy-li-cious

we had sambal kangkong, lemon chicken, tom yam soup

d tom yum soup is rather a lil disappointing

me and zhen find it too salty for us

but still the seafood in d soup are sedap(delicious)

we had a great catch up talking abt school, werk n stuffs

the only thing that's missing is our blossom gerl, nette-nette

owellss new year's eve today

shall keep my blog sweet but nort full of tears ya

bought my charles n keith slippers at compass point

really went a long long way to ged it larhs

luckily with my dearest sister

so its nort so boredd alongg the wayy

met up with darlingg zhen ystd toooo

yarh zhen bought her sch bag at last

bought slippers at c&k also

and a mango&you top

i bought nothing guess im not buying that dress anymore

expensive larhss

after that went suntec city shop around

had kfC poor uncle casey(the uncle that served me at kfC)

i feel so pity for him larhss

he looked rather advance in age and he's still nort brain-dead yet

he's still werking la

three cheers for uncle casey

hippie-hurray hippie-hurrayy hippie-hurrayyy

oh yarhhs visited aini ystd

she looks rather weak may the force be with her ya

haixx i din ged to suntan any of ese days

tout can ged a golden tan before new year

but too badd no one wanna acc me larhs

sad-ens siaa

valentine's day is coming

imma sho exciteddddd

hees -and my angbaosss

i wanna watch Constantine
tdy launched wadd
i think its gna be a great show
i wanna gambleeee
heyy my gang where is our gambling den this year
my hands are itching at this moment
-grins-

alryte ending here
wont be blogging till the valentine's day i guess
will be rather busy this week
bai-nian, eat goodies, esp ba guan
till then its has been beckyyyyy in d house

-love&hugs-
to: XXX
from: beckk

the blue mess.;
3:43 PM;

Monday, February 07, 2005

these days i have this funny inner feeling
really hoping to see you online everyday
hoping to see you every night at the lift there
every aftnn ere to send me off till end of the block
this special feeling kept on rushing around
ever since that very day
i seriously have no idea what to do- im lost
i kno and i can confirm you do nort have this feeling
but i have and its you who made me
fall head over heels with you

-love&hugs-

chinese new year is jez around the corner
my house got damn lots of goodies
sweets..chocolates..pineapple tarts..
yummy yum yum
hard to go on diet liek that
school has stopped fer me
as in mon and tues are all home-learning kind of study
so fun ryteeeeeee
later probably going to visit aini at SGH
she gotta some kidney infection
sounds so scaryy
funny arhh whenever i heard liek kidney infection
i'll feel a pain at my kidney ere
then if i talk abt heart disease
i'll feel pain at heart ere too

hadnt been meeting babyy fer past 2weeks
am missing him larhs obviously
last weekend was werking ard town area looking
for Hugo Boss man
those who are seductive, manly are qualified la
im so sad-ed cos i simply feel that singaporean guys are jez a pile of shiat
serious
they cannort make it
if they are hensem..they are really really hensem
if they aren't..they're really not
and i mean it - they are NOT
me and felicia saw one quite cute at clarke quay ere tho
his name is aaron
dammmmnnn
he's so cuteeeeeeee
but then he's with these 2 girls
clauded in black hmmm nort so prettieee we tout they might be
so ya rather sad-ed la

this week cny next week valentine's day
rather excited tho
im skipping school on vday
me and babyy going chalet
so niceeee ryteeee
then we intend to ged really drunkkkk
haha as if we got the moneee to buy liek that
then probably heading down sentosa after da chalet
everything is still very unplanned
but chalet is a confirm cos i've alrdy booked it

arrgh i wanna that mango dress
pls anyone tell mee shld i ged that?
its liek 75bucks
costly ryteeeee
but the dress is damn sweet and niceeee
doesnt make me look so fat tooo
howwwww
anyone can buy that fer meeeee
arrgghhhhhh

k then i nidda bathe
and see my dearest aini alrdyy
till then
it has been beckkkyyyyy
smoochhhheeessss-

-love&hugs-
to: XXX
from:beckk

the blue mess.;
11:58 PM;